BLUE
BLUE
Àâòîð: Mako
E-mail: Makosm4@aol.com
Genre: love story
Pairing/Band: Erm... at this point, not too sure... Jiro/Hisashi, Hisashi/Teru
Comments: Comments: ... umm... it's another Glay fanfic, I'm sorry if it's boring. I actually started this several months ago and never got around to finishing it, I'm working on part 3 at the moment. ... sorry, can't think right now, just got done with exams... my brain! ah! ... hold on... brain? what brain? *looks up, dazed* ha-ha! I have no brain! *laughs hysterically and goes running off... somewhere*.... erm... enjoy ^^;; (sorry)
Part 2.
Hisashi
I have this tendency to associate people with color. My mother is pink, a dark, red-tinted pink. Takuro smells like white, plain, pure white, Teru, he feels like brown, a soft, warm brown. You know, blue, it reminds me of the sea. Do you realize how contradictory the sea is? It stands for so many things; turmoil, confusion, calm, cool, happiness, loneliness, hunger. satisfaction, beauty, longing... And you, you taste like all of these, you taste like the sea. It surprised me at first, I always thought of you as red; fiery and passionate, or even yellow; bright, sunny, childish. But it's strange.
You taste of blue.
It started off, not because I had some unknown feeling for you, not because I wanted you. No. It was simply because you were there. We didn't get along, we simply didn't have anything in common. Except, when you started sharing in my want of Teru, I guess we had that in common. But, really, that didn't help matters any. Especially after Teru admitted to me that he thought you were cute, I started getting jealous of the little looks he sent in your direction, the slight, almost impercievable encouragement he gave you. But I saw it. You threatened me and I hated you for it.
Do you know? Our very first argument was because of you. Oh yeah, we had fights before, but they were all over petty things, like staying up too late, or who left the lights on in the bathroom. This one was serious. I prefer arguments to be quick, precise, straight to the point. It's not like me to get horribly emotional about anything. But Teru likes to drag things out, point out all the flaws in my logic. It gets very frustrating sometimes, especially when he gets the last word in and you don't even realize it until he slams the door because you've dozed off somewhere between him telling you that your suspicions are stupid and that the bathroom light needs to be fixed.
Needless to say, after our argument that night, I was very frustrated and angry or, at least as angry as I allow myself to get. I was in the studio, which I thought was empty, trying to cool myself down. As much as I like Teru, sometimes he can be such a brat. I was lost in my thought and didn't notice you enter until I felt the shiftings of the seat and the air around me. I expected you to be Takuro, our calm, rational leader. But when I heard your voice... You surprised me.
You have this voice, it changes with your mood. I've heard it to be very loud, bright, as if it were a ball of energy bouncing off the walls. I've heard it low, dark, _red_ , angry. But right then, it was a tone I've never heard before, not from you. It was soft, deep, soothing, rocking me to sleep as I listened to it. But that only made me angrier.
I turned to you, ready to tell you to go fuck off when I saw you. You looked kind-of tired, innocent of the pain you just caused, wary of me. I could feel the heat radiating off your body, warming mine. And in your eyes, I saw pity.
That was the last straw.
How dare you pity me! And suddenly I felt all my rage, my frustration build in me, seeping past the walls I had carefully built and I slammed you up against the wall. I wanted you to feel my pain, my anger. I wanted you to fight me, to yell, kick, scream. But you must have been shocked or something because you didn't do anything, just watched me. And so I kissed you, just to scare you, make you freak out, hurt you. But you kissed me back and it seemed no matter what I did to you, I couldn't hurt you. And so I... I...
... I fucked you.
You didn't cry out, you never yelled, nothing, you just grit your teeth and took it. There was blood. Blood running down your legs, on my stomach, pooling on the floor. But you didn't cry once. And I felt sick. I hated myself at that moment because no matter how I didn't like you, how much I _despised_ you, you didn't deserve this. You were still my comrade, my band mate, you didn't know you were the cause of my pain. My head started pounding and I couldn't think.
Then I did the worst possible thing I could have done.
I ran.
I left you alone, against the cold wall, in a puddle of your own blood.
I promised myself then to never do anything like that again. But after the next fight I had with Teru, I found myself by your car, waiting for you to come out of the studio. You didn't notice me at first, I was standing off to the side. I cleared my throat to get your attention. You looked up and when you saw me, your jaw dropped. I was afraid that you'd start screaming or yelling, but to my surprise, you looked at me for a moment and then you nodded. Just a simple nod, but it had my heart pounding the entire car ride. I drove to some hotel, not exactly sure of this relationship between us, and I fucked you again, harder than last time, letting out my hurt, my anger in every thrust. And still, you didn't cry.
As I drove you back to the studio that night, I swore to myself that this was the last time, I wasn't going to do that to you again. But the next fight came around and I found myself waiting for you again. And each time, you'd nod your head and follow me until it all became a routine. I found myself starting to bring you home in spite of myself. I don't know why I did it, don't ask me, I don't know. And each time, I'd fuck you harder and quicker than the last, but not once did you every cry. And each time, I'd feel sick to my stomach that I had just used you again. I couldn't stop, every time I got hurt, you were there, quietly waiting, never yelling, never crying, silent. I must have hurt you more than I can imagine, there were days when your eyes were filled with hurt. But still, every time, you'd let me in.
You're always so wild, loud, obnoxious. But when you were with me, you were silent. You hardly ever talk when we're together. Even before I started fucking you, you never said anything to me even though you were as loud, as childish as ever with everyone else. But you've been getting quieter and quieter, Takuro seems to realize that something's wrong. Sometimes you snap back a playfully sarcastic remark, laugh loudly, trying to pretend like nothing's wrong. But it's so painfully obvious. Is it because of me? You're stupid, then. Don't let something like me get in your way. I'm nothing.
Every time I saw your blood, I'd feel so sick I would leave, I'd have to. And there was always blood, even when I used lubricant, or more specifically, you forced me to. No matter what, there was blood. One time- one time- I tired to ease the pain for you, be a little gentler. That was the only time I ever fucked you with you on your back, facing me. I don't know why I did it, really. I guess I wanted to give you some pleasure, maybe then I wouldn't feel so sick afterward.
You were... you were... definitely more receptive than any other time. It started out the same, I thrust into you and you grimaced, your hands gripping the bed sheets trying not to cry out. I shut my eyes tightly from the sight of your face, your pain. Some time with in it all, I heard you gasp. It was soft, barely audible, but I heard it. Quite frankly, it surprised me and I opened my eyes. Your dark eyes were glazed over, the moon's soft blue shine illuminating the room and your face, your hands grabbing at the bed sheets with something other than pain. And you... you started moving with me, soft gasps escaping trembling lips. And you, with that far-away look still in your eyes, raised your hand and touched my cheek, the first time and the last you ever touched me when we fucked. It was barely a touch, just brushing my cheek and moving down to graze my stomach. But it- it _burned_. Looking into your dark eyes, somehow it wasn't just sex anymore. Suddenly I couldn't breathe very well and then I... I pulled away, turned you around and stared at your back for the rest of the time I fucked you.
Why did I come to you time after time? I guess I came to you because I couldn't do anything else, I didn't care anymore. You were nothing but I body to me, a warm, silent body that I could take out my frustrations on. Yeah, just a body...
It's strange, Teru and I, we were such good friends, we always got along no matter what. But, after we got together, something changed. I guess maybe we became too conscious of each other, a little paranoid, a little scared. We don't seem to get along these days at all. It's hard sometimes, I can't even sit down and laugh with him anymore. Whenever we talk, we always get into a fight. I live in perpetual fear of talking to him now. Granted, we like each other, why else would we be going out? It's just that... I don't know... Whenever we get into a fight, he's always the one to come and apologize. Sometimes it isn't his fault at all and he still apologizes like he doesn't even know why we fought. I do. It's always the same thing. Maybe we don't say it outright, but it's always there, lingering in the air, choking us.
But Teru... maybe it's good that he can forget these things, maybe it's good that he doesn't know what he's apologizing for. But whenever he looks at me and says that he's sorry, I believe him and then I feel sorry too, for so many things, for the one thing I can't give him. And I push these thoughts away and I allow myself to fall into him. Those times are the best, right after the apologies, the kisses, when we just hold each other. We never do that any other time.
You and Teru... so alike, but so different at the same time. Teru, he puts on a front of being mature, grown-up, but really, he's just a child at heart. I used to think that you were like that too, a child at heart and outwardly too. But now... you have so many layers, I don't know what you are anymore.
Ayu likes you, you know. It made me jealous at first, the way she immediately took a liking to you. She's totally indifferent to Teru, to everybody, the only person she likes is me. But when you come over, she tries not to show it, but she adores you. The last time I fucked you, I remember, Ayu came out to greet us. I didn't want to touch her, I was too angry, I would hurt her. I went inside almost immediately, expecting you to follow, but you didn't. I checked back outside, annoyed that you were taking so long. And there you were. Your face was scrunched up, cooing to Ayu who was purring right back. I hate it. I hate it the way she seems to _belong_ in your arms, the way you hold her so gently. She rubbed up against your chin purring like crazy, making you smile a little. I glared at her. Traitor. She sensed me then. Sometimes it's uncanny how well she can sense me and my moods, it's like we're the same person.
Anyway, she jumped down from your arms and came to me, meowing a little apologetically. I pet her, straightened, and turned to tell you to hurry. You were looking at me with the strangest expression. I hate it when you look at me.
I went inside and you followed, as usual. And I fucked you over and over again until I was so exhausted I couldn't even think. There was blood again.
I snapped awake, I must have dozed off again. I got up, rubbing my shoulders. God they hurt, And then I looked back at the bed, back at you. I hate it, seeing you in my bed. I hate you for being there, for reminding me.
I looked at the time... Shit!
I yelled at you to wake up, but you just mumbled something and rolled over, pouting even in your sleep. Damn you, I wasn't going to wait for you. So I got up and left. And all throughout practice, I expected you to come rushing through the door, apologies and grins tumbling form your mouth, your hair tousled, and your eyes still bleary from sleep.
But you never came.
Teru came up to me during one of our breaks while Takuro was fuming because you weren't there. He gave me one of those looks, you know, when his eyes become two little puddles of soft brown. He told me he was sorry. And despite the fact that if I asked him what he was sorry for, he wouldn't know the answer, I kissed him and we made up.
Everything went fine after that, we kissed a lot, snuggled a little, ginned and winked like always, basking in the aftermath of our apologies. In fact, it was going a lot better than I expected it to, I almost forgot.... Until we got back to my house, that is. Right up until we got in and entered the bedroom. Because on my bed was my favorite shirt, a little rumpled, but all in all, it looked pretty good. It took me a while, but I remembered that you were wearing it yesterday. You must have grabbed it without thinking when you were rushing to catch up with me. I didn't tell you take it off or anything, I still felt guilty about the whole situation. Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, it looked good on you. But Teru, he must have remembered that too.
I mean, he knows that I fuck you. I know who he fucks too, it's no big deal. But whenever you came up in conversations, or whenever you left something behind, his eyes kinda froze up. He won't believe me when I tell him that it's strictly sex, not even sex, really, just me fucking you. But when I told him that, his jaw sort-of tightened and he refused to look at me. Really, sometimes I don't understand him.
When he saw my shirt, he didn't say anything, he just turned around and left the room. They scared me, his silences, because even when we fought, he didn't seem to be letting it all out like he used to. He's hoarding away pieces of his anger without meaning to. I am too.
We fucked as usual. We woke up when the alarm went off. Teru had to shove me awake. I never seem to get any sleep these days, even after sex... especially after sex. I got up, grumbling, got ready, and headed out. We got to the studio in time, but there was still that silence between us that scared me. Oh yeah, we talk, but we're not really listening.
We walked in, the tension between us pushing out the easy atmosphere there. I watched Teru and you for a moment. There was this one time when we walked in and you two were playing together. You seemed so comfortable there, I thought maybe you two... And watching both of you again, the thought returned.
Practice ended, the air around us getting more and more stifling by the minute. Teru looked at me and pulled me into the back. His words were calm, but his eyes were burning,
"You..." he murmured, "you don't... feel... for me... do you."
It was more of a statement than a question. And he was looking at me, expecting me to do something, say something.
What could I do?
I said something like "of course I feel for you". Because I did. I mean, why else would I be going out with him if I didn't feel anything?
"But... you don't... feel... for me the way you feel for _him_."
I looked at him like he was crazy. 'Him' as in _you_? Of course not! What I 'feel' for you is definitely different from what I feel for him! And when I told him that, he started asking me why, why I felt differently towards him.
I was very confused, I still am. I don't know what he was talking about. I told him that you and he were totally different people. There was no way in hell I would feel for him what I feel for you.
He got really angry then and started yelling. I'd never seen him so mad before, so angry. He grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me, slamming me against the wall over and over again. It didn't hurt, really, it was just the look in his eyes, his voice that scared me.
Finally, I managed to get out of his grip. He looked at me, instantly apologetic, but I couldn't... I didn't want to... He opened his mouth to speak, but I ignored him and turned to leave. I could feel him getting angry.
"Fuck you!" he screamed after me as I left.
It sort-of surprised me. Through all our fights, he never cursed at me once. So, I just said whatever came to mind.
"You already have."
It was stupid, I know, very cliché too. But it was what came out, I couldn't help it. That was our worst fight yet, I think. I guess I was in shock because I don't remember anything besides getting on the train and back off.
I woke up, my brain pounding in my head, Ayu meowing softly, trying to soothe me. I looked at the time, it was pretty early for me, but I got up anyway, changed, and left for the studio.
When I got there, Takuro just nodded at me, worry written across his face. I just nodded. Ah, Takuro, our faithful leader-san, what would we do without you? Teru just ignored me, so I ignored him right back. He was expecting me to do something again. What was he expecting? I don't know. And you. Sometimes I'd catch you watching me, like you wanted to ask me something. But each time I'd look at you, I'd hear Teru's words ringing in my ears again.
... But... you don't... feel... for me the way you feel for _him_.
And then I'd have to look away from you, avoid you. It was embarrassing to have such an insane thought in my head.
It was stupid of him, thinking that there was something more than sex between you and me. It was absurd, really. But it wouldn't get out of my head and soon, it started disturbing my already much disturbed sleep. So I went out to get a drink, just a few, to get my mind off things.
I went to several bars and clubs before I stopped at one. It was pretty popular and always crowded so I didn't have to worry too much about being recognized. I had a couple of drinks before the noise started getting to me. I hate crowded, noisy places, I don't even know why I keep going to clubs if I hate the atmosphere that much. I went outside to finish my drink.
The sky was a dark blue, a color rarely seen except for late into the night and early morning. Such a pretty color too. I don't know how long I stood there, but suddenly I realized that I'd left Ayu all alone for a very long time. Ah, stupid me, poor Ayu. I stumbled around for a moment looking for my car, I'd forgotten that I'd taken the bus. Ah, stupid me again. I looked up to see a sort-of blurry figure. It smiled a little at me.
"Yo."
It took me a while, but I finally managed to make out who it was. You. And suddenly, I was angry again for a reason I didn't know.
I looked at you and whispered harshly, "He's mine."
You just smiled a little wider. Damn you, what's so funny?
"Mine- _mine_" I repeated, "got it?"
You nodded a little, the corners of your mouth twitching as if trying not to laugh.
I was really mad then, preventing me from being able to think properly. I pulled you by the hair and demanded that you repeat what I said. And you did, a little too easily in my opinion. I started babbling and the next thing I knew, I was saying:
"He's mine, he belongs to _me_! And I belong to him!" I didn't know what I was talking about. I was so confused. I didn't even know who 'he' was anymore.
Everything after that was a blur except for a soft "Ok" in my ear, calming me, comforting.
And the next thing I knew, I was waking up, Ayu by my head, and a memory... a dream...? of a touch, a kiss so gentle... it made my heart ache. And a strange, almost painful calm in my chest.
I sighed a little and burrowed into the covers a little. It'd been a long time since I'd woken up feeling somewhat refreshed. Suddenly, there were sounds from in the kitchen and Teru walked in. I smiled at him a little. I felt good. But the look on his face was dangerous.
"Where were you last night?"
I looked at him, confused. I didn't remember.
He glared at me. "Don't act innocent! I saw! I saw him leave! I saw it _all_! What were you doing?!"
What was he talking about? I remembered meeting you, maybe you had driven me home... But Teru wouldn't accept it.
"What else? What else?! I saw it all, you can't hide anything from me! Don't lie!"
But really, I didn't remember. And then he was screaming and raving on about something I didn't understand, his eyes full of... jealousy... fear? I don't know. But I had enough. For the first time in a very, very long time, I'd woken up without that feeling of dread, that feeling of loss. Why was he doing this? Couldn't he see that he wasn't the only one upset? Didn't he care?
Ayu meowed. She sounded scared, hurt... So I picked her up, grabbed one of my guitars and left. And I ran. Somewhere, anywhere where this feeling would vanish, would just... stop.
I wandered around for the rest of the day, walking in the serene calm of a day that has no expectations. When the night came around, I realized I had no money. Damn... stupid me, poor Ayu. She whined a little, but she stopped after a while. I found a bench in a park, so, what the hell, I put my guitar down and slept beside it on the bench, Ayu curled contentedly on my stomach. It wasn't so bad, really, only a few kinks in my back, the dirty feeling and the pangs of my stomach, but all in all, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
The park is such a beautiful place. The only problem was that I forgot my laptop. Damn. Oh well. Ayu and I just drowsed around, wandering a little when we felt like it. The sun had just set when it started raining. Shit. I couldn't stay in the park. So, Ayu in one arm, my guitar in the other, I ran like a madman. And somehow, I ended up outside your door. I'd never been there before and the only way I knew it was yours was by the car.
I didn't want to be there, believe me, I hated the idea of asking you to take me in, for you to have pity on me, but I was dripping wet by then and hungry too. So, I knocked. You opened the door, a little disheveled in your pajamas. You went to sleep this early? But, you looked tired. You looked like you were about to laugh too... but, anyway.
I must have sounded delusional, standing outside your doorway, begging you to let me spend the night. But I was cold, and, did I mention hungry? You nodded a little, looking shocked and moved aside so I could get by. I stepped inside the dry warmth of your house and looked around. I'd never been there before. It wasn't anything fancy, just plain, comfortable, homey. ... it felt... nice.
You noticed me shivering and directed me to the shower. It was good, taking a hot, warm shower, soothing.
...everything smelled like you... I hate it.
When I got out, you'd laid out some clothing for me. They were a little big, but they were dry and warm, what more could I ask for? I smelled food. Ah, food. I followed it into the kitchen where Ayu was eating cheerfully and you... You were running around in your pajamas making dinner, smiling a little to yourself.
You looked up, sensing me and smiled a little awkwardly.
"Dinner" you said, gesturing towards to food.
Food.
I could only mumble my thanks before I dug in. Food. I must have looked like a starving person because you gave me your share. Who am I to refuse? So I ate it all, feeling nicely sated afterward. And then I noticed you watching me.
You cleared your throat a little.
"Ne, where were you? Everyone was worried."
'Everyone'? Does that mean you... I shook my head. I might as well answer, it's the least I could do. But when I tried to explain, it all came out a mess, fragments everywhere.
"Teru and me, we got into a fight. I didn't want to- I couldn't- face him."
Thankfully, you just nodded, understanding in your eyes. There was an awkward pause. I'm not good at saying things about myself, I'm not used to it, I didn't know if you expected me to keep going, or something... Ayu meowed then and you laughed, a bright, lively sound. And when you laughed, that same feeling came back, that strange, almost painful calm in my chest.
Suddenly you turned to me, your dark eyes dancing. "Hey, you haven't been to the studio in a while. You wanna practice?" You were on the edge of your seat, excitement barely contained, eyes shining.
I just looked at you. Sometimes I'm sure you're loosing it.
"See," you burst out, seeing my hesitation, "you can be Takuro too and I'll double as a Teru!"
Damn you. Are you always this genki?
What could I do but agree? Besides, I did need the practice.
I couldn't really play at first, my fingers were shaky, my mind unable to send coherent messages to my body. I guess it was the effect of not eating anything for a rather long time. You seemed a little nervous. Your voice sounded a little strangled as you sang along, a little off-key to one of our songs. Then we started on 'Mermaid', your fingers fumbling for the right notes while you grunted out the words. You must have been concentrating a little too hard on the fingering because as the chorus came around, you belted out a very off-key "Come on, oh yes drive me mad!" Ayu meowed painfully, her ears drawn around her head trying to block the sound. I couldn't help it. I snorted, unable to keep the small smirk from appearing on my face.
The corners of your mouth started twitching wildly and then you were doubled over laughing, your limbs flying in every which direction. It's strange, in all the time we've spent together, you've never laughed with me before... And then, suddenly we were playing. Just playing, the bass and the guitar. It was beautiful, really. Soft, but hard, gentleness, despair written into the notes. Beautiful. Do you know? Sometimes I can still hear it playing faintly in my head. And when you're near, it gets a little louder, a little clearer, a little more beautiful.
Music playing in my head. I must be crazy.
And then we finished. I hated ending it, listening to the last notes fade into the air, but it felt _good_, just playing like that. I looked up and there you were, panting, obviously exhausted, but with the biggest smile I've ever seen on your face. You looked at me a moment longer and fell to the floor laughing hysterically. I fell down too, my legs didn't seem to want to support me any longer, but I didn't mind. You turned to me, breathless with laughter. And I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. It's been a long time since I've felt... happy.
And when I smiled at you, your face crumpled a little bit and I was afraid that I had overstepped my welcome. Because your eyes. Your eyes, they reflected such a painful joy... I couldn't bear to look at you anymore.
But you just smiled and said a little awkwardly, "I guess we should go to sleep."
I nodded, not knowing what else to do. I apologized for disturbing you, seeing that it had seemed that you'd been asleep when I'd entered.
You looked at me, confused, and when I pointed to your pajamas, you looked down and blushed. You little brat! You didn't even know you'd been wearing them! Ha! I'd seen you do so many things, but I'd never seen you blush before.
...kawaii...
You smiled, collecting yourself and forced me to sleep in your bed while you took the couch. Stupid.
I stirred from my sleep, a strange poking in my shoulder and a "...to get up."
... whatever.
Then there was a louder, more insistent voice.
"Hisashi! Get up!"
"Yeah... whatever." I mumbled. I don't think you heard, but who cares? ... sleep.
There was a pause and then a high, sickeningly sweet shrill.
"Oi! Hisa-chan! Wakey wakey!"
I rolled over and glared at you.
Damn you.
You just grinned that stupid, shit-eating grin of yours and flounced out of the room. I snorted, but I didn't have the heart to be mad, it'd been a while since I'd felt this refreshed, this _good_. I got up and showered. I had to wear your damn clothes again too. Ayu meowed happily at me as I grabbed some food from the table which I presumed was for me, before I got my guitar and headed out. I didn't want to bring Ayu, don't ask me why. Maybe so that if things got really bad, I had an excuse to come back. Maybe because I didn't want her to bother everyone at the studio. ...or maybe because she looked so goddamn _happy_ curled up on that bed that smelled like you.
Practice went well, I felt alive for the first time in longer than I'd like to imagine. Teru, of course, avoided me, his face downcast, refusing to look at me. But after practice was over, he came over, his cheeks a little flushed, his eyes betraying his nervousness.
"H-hey, um, could I talk to you? In the back, all right? Will you come?"
It took me a moment, but I nodded. He stared at me a moment longer, turned, and left, expecting me to follow, which, of course, I did. But I passed by you and suddenly I felt very, very guilty. I don't know why I did, sometimes when you're near, I still feel guilty. So, I asked you to bring Ayu over. I wanted to tell you that I was sorry, I don't know why, but I did. I _needed_ to tell you. Then I left, following Teru into the back.
As soon as I'd entered, he turned to me, his soft brown eyes pleading.
"Look, I'm sorry. O god, I'm so sorry..."
His fingers reached out, trembling, as he touched my cheek. The act stirred an old, faint memory I couldn't quite grasp and my heart ached.
"Forgive me, please? I'm sorry."
And for a second, I hesitated like I always do, that minuscule part of me screaming, _crying_ for me to refuse. Maybe I'm just scared of commitment. But, that moment passed and I was in his arms, his warm lips pressed against mine, his arms holding me tight. When he released me, I smiled at him a little as I bent over to kiss him and he kissed back, again and again and... god... again...
When we left the back room, no one else was in the studio, thank god, only a little note from Takuro asking us to please lock up when we were finished and to try to be a little quieter next time. I just snorted at the note, typical Takuro, but Teru's face was red, ah, so sensitive. I teased him about it a little and he just blushed harder.
He asked me where I had been and I told him, no reason to lie. He tensed up when I told him that I'd stayed at your place. I reached up and touched his face, telling him again that it was nothing, let's not fight anymore. And he looked over, his eyes melting as he looked at me and he leaned over and kissed me tenderly. Ah, Teru, so sweet sometimes.
When we got back to my place, the sun was almost set. I went inside and Teru dragged me the rest of the way to the bedroom. I changed out of your clothes and into some of my own. Teru was suddenly behind me, his hot breath on my ear. He reached up and idly played with my hair as he leaned forward, kissing me again. His fingers started traveling downward, his lips on my neck. Suddenly there was a timid voice calling out.
"Is anybody home?"
I removed myself from Teru's embrace as I picked up your discarded clothes from the floor. I must have forgotten to lock the door. I went to greet you. You were there, your arms hanging awkwardly at your sides as Ayu jumped out of them and trotted over to me. I handed you your clothes and you nodded.
"Yo, Wayama."
"Hey."
I didn't know what to say. "Thanks for bringing her over." You just nodded again. "Look," what was it I wanted to say? "I just wanted to tell you, really, thanks, you know, you've done a lot for me." Yeah, that was it.
You just looked at me for a moment and then shrugged.
"Hey, no problem."
Teru entered then and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me possessively to him. I felt the need to say something then, anything. Because at that moment, something flashed through your eyes, too quickly for me to catch. Because when Teru held me, when I was enfolded in soft brown, all I could think of was the sea.
"And you see, Teru and I are together now. We'll try not to get into so many fights now." I was just babbling then. "I'm sorry for everything. I won't do that to you anymore. Just, really, thank you."
Then you looked at us. And then you were looking at me again. I hate it when you look at me. Stop. Stop... don't look at me like that anymore... I... I hate it.
You let out an exasperated sigh, your eyes strangely blank.
You smiled easily. "Finally! I thought you guys'd never get back together!"
Teru chuckled and pulled me tighter to him.
"Well then," you said, turning to leave, "Ja! And, be gentle!" he ordered Teru with mock firmness. Teru blushed and looked away. Sensitive.
And you started to leave, I couldn't help myself, there was something I still needed to do. I tugged on your arm and you turned back around, your eyes a little wide with surprise.
I looked at him. "Thank you... Jiro." And I smiled at you. I did it because I _could_, because it wouldn't do anything to me to say your name. It wouldn't make my heart tremble or my body tingle. No, it wouldn't do anything, nothing at all.
Because I loathe you.
You looked shocked for a moment and smirked.
Because I don't need you.
"I told you, it was nothing... " you yelled over your shoulder.
Because I don't need the way you smell, the way you talk, the way you laugh. I don't need the way you taste, the way you walk. ... the way you look at me, the way you make me feel beautiful... I don't need you because I have Teru and we've been together for a long time and we're planning to stay together. See? I don't need you at all.
But when you ran off into the night, blue shadows framing your figure, you took my breathe away, your eyes betraying something I couldn't understand. Of course you had laughed and sighed exaggeratedly, congratulated Teru and me for getting back together. But there was something in your eyes, something... sad? I don't know. But when you looked at me with those eyes of yours, I couldn't breathe. And then you turned to leave, the shadows catching on your body. And at that moment... At that moment, you looked like an angel. The very last light of the darkened cobalt sky catching on your hair, making a little halo, and I swear, you had wings. Soft, beautiful, shadowed-blue wings. They disappeared the next instant, but they were there, I saw.
And you glanced over your shoulder, calling sweetly to me, pain filling your eyes and it came out almost a whisper, a caress, "... Hisa-chan."
And you left.
Really, I don't care for you at all, but, I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, the hurt I see in your eyes. If I could, I'd take it all back, make it so that none of this ever happened. ... N-... no. I can't do that, I'm sorry... there are some things... some beautiful things... I want to keep... please... don't take them away... these memories ... I want to treasure...
end of part 2
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