BLUE
BLUE
Àâòîð: Mako
E-mail: Makosm4@aol.com
Genre: love story
Pairing/Band: Erm... at this point, not too sure... Jiro/Hisashi, Hisashi/Teru
Comments: Comments: ... umm... it's another Glay fanfic, I'm sorry if it's boring. I actually started this several months ago and never got around to finishing it, I'm working on part 3 at the moment. ... sorry, can't think right now, just got done with exams... my brain! ah! ... hold on... brain? what brain? *looks up, dazed* ha-ha! I have no brain! *laughs hysterically and goes running off... somewhere*.... erm... enjoy ^^;; (sorry)
Part 1.
Jiro
I wake up, yawn, and roll over, reaching for the body that I wish was there. Empty sheets. Yup, I knew it, gone. I sigh, burrowing deeper into the sheets, hoping to catch a few more minutes of-
"Hey!"
Damn.
"Hey, Wayama! Get up! We're late!"
I hate it how he calls me that, I mean, he fucks me every other day, you'd think there'd be a little less formality.
He reaches over and shakes me.
"I'm up, I'm up... jus' hold on a minute..."
I hear a sigh and then the rustling of clothes. I sit up a little on the bed and watch him. Right now he's got this wild, blue, spiky hair, it'll change by next week, but, whatever. It suits him, the blue hair, I mean. I like it like that best, not that what I think matters any. He's thin, not _skinny_, thank god, not toned either, just thin, smooth. His face is like that too and combined with his eyes, he looks sort-of elfin. God, those eyes. They're not incredible or anything, they're kinda small, regular brown eyes. But when he looks at me... god... when he _looks_ at me.
He turns around, catching me watching him. He frowns like he's angry for seeing me on his bed, like he's angry I'm there, that I exist.
"Get up. I told you, we're late... Teru's going to be mad."
Damn him.
Damn him for mentioning that name. He knew it was gonna get to me. He did it on purpose! Bastard!
I get up and collect my clothes from around the room. ... he tore my shirt again, it was my favorite too. I hold it up, showing him. He just shrugs, pulls on his shirt, checks himself in the mirror one more time, and leaves.
I hurriedly pull on my pants and fling on a shirt, any shirt. He was going to leave me again, he did last time. Dammit! I'm aching all over, it's not like he's exactly gentle with me. I stumble as I try to put on my shoes. I'll tie them later. I fly out the door and manage to get there right before he pulls out of the driveway.
He sees me, frowns a little and stops the car, waiting for me to get in. I hop in and as he drives, I take the time to tie my shoes and run my fingers through my hair. I might as well _try_ to look somewhat presentable. I look at the man next to me. He looks spotless, perfect. As if last night never happened.
Damn him.
I run my tongue over my teeth. Yuck. I forgot to brush, I bet I have dried spit all over my face too. I sigh and rub my hands over my face trying to get any icky stuff off it. Now I'm pouting, I know it. Damn.
We reach the studio and get out. There's nothing between us now, no remnants of last night, nothing.
"Hisashi! Jiro!" Takuro yells, coming out of the studio. "You're late!"
"Oi! Gomen!" I shout back in his face.
He grimaces a little, trying to smile, reaches into his jacket pocket and hands me a mint.
Hee... oops...
I smile a little sheepishly as I pop the mint in my mouth. "Sorry, I was kinda in a hurry..."
Takuro only nods and smiles a little, motioning me to hurry up into the studio. I enter and start setting up. The amps are already plugged in, Takuro must have gotten bored. So, I tune up my bass and wait for the others.
I look over to the side. Hisashi and Teru are talking in low, soft voices. Suddenly, Hisashi launches himself onto Teru and they start making out in earnest.
Have they no modesty?!
I try to ignore the sudden stinging pain in my chest and look away. I mean, I knew what I was getting in to when it started. The days Hisashi fucks me are the days he can't fuck Teru. Yeah, Hisashi and Teru were together. It's kinda funny, really. They'd have a fight, Hisashi would fuck me, Teru would fuck whoever, and then the next day, they'd get back together, get in to a fight... it was a vicious cycle. But, I guess they've got to like each other a lot the way they keep getting back together, right?
How'd I get involved with Hisashi? It's stupid, really.
Y'know, I've always had this feeling for him, I can't explain it. I think I hate him, but other times I'm sure it's lust. It's a very strong emotion, whatever it is. Anyway, we've never gotten along, him always annoying me and me always yelling at him. The fact that I was trying to get Teru into bed didn't help matters any. I mean, hey, Teru's hot. It's a wonder, really, why I did what I did.
See, he and Teru had just gotten into this big fight, again. Each time, Hisashi would look worse and worse, so tired. And even after they got back together, I'd still see some weariness lingering on his face.
Practice was over and I was the last to leave. I'd just finished packing up my bass and I was just about to leave when I saw him. He was sitting alone in the dark. I guess I pitied him then or else I never would have gone over to talk to him.
I sat down beside him and after a moment of awkward silence, I just started talking, anything that came to mind. It was a long time before he finally looked up. Then he turned to me, his face a blank mask, not one tear, nothing. He just looked at me for a long time, but... during that time, he _looked_ at me. And then I was slammed up against the wall, his lips crushing down on mine so hard I could taste blood. He was angry, I knew. He wasn't thinking straight, but, after a while, I started kissing him back. Then he turned me around, pushed me up against the wall, pulled my pants down and fucked me. Yup, just fucked me. I think I bled, but I can't remember. All I remember is the cold, cold wall and his hot breath on my ear.
That's basically how it all started. After that, he'd come to me after every fight with Teru. And the fact that he comes to me - to _me_ - of all people kinda gives me a thrill. He's so pretty he could have anyone, anywhere, but he comes to me. And I suppose that makes me feel like I have some sort of power over him. I suppose that's why I always let him in regardless of the way he treats me, like he despises me, regardless of how much it hurts...
Anyway, they're still kissing. I swear, they look like they're gonna eat each other. Finally, Takuro comes over, blushing a little, and breaks them up. Thank god. They're all over each other during practice, winking, touching, teasing. And I try not to notice.
It isn't hard, really. Not when I'm playing. I get lost in the music, the heavy bass line, the way the lead guitar's music intertwines with mine. Yeah, it's almost easy to pretend that Hisashi isn't practically pawing Teru's clothes off.
Finally, practice is over. I pack up quickly. There's no reason to wait today, Hisashi'll be with Teru tonight. I shove my things into the back seat of my car and drive. When I get home, I make a bee-line to my room. I put on my headphones and turn on my new Red Hot Chili Peppers CD at full blast. I desperately plunge in to the music, trying to forget.
Finally, after listening to the CD twice through, I manage to calm down. I go and grab something to eat, realizing that I'm starving.
What is it that makes me so possessive of him?
I listen to the CD one more time. It's pretty late by then, so I start getting ready to go to sleep. I brush my teeth (finally!) and change into my pajama bottoms. I move to change my shirt.
It's then that I notice I'm wearing his shirt.
I must have picked it up in my rush this morning and not realized it. It's one of his favorites too, he wears it all the time. Everyone must have noticed it, it's a wonder that no one pointed it out to me. ...he must have noticed it... it's a wonder he didn't point it out to me...
I shake my head. He probably thought that I might as well wear it, it was better n' me running around topless.
Still, I wear it for a moment longer. Then I take it off and hurl it as far across the room as I can.
It still smells like him.
After a while, I go to sleep. Or at least I try to, like I do every night I'm not with him. And by some miracle or another, I finally drop off to sleep, like I do every night I'm not with him.
... and I dream about him, like I do every night I'm not with him...
I wake up and reach for him. It's funny, I do that all the time, even though I _know_ he's not there. I can't control it, it just happens.
I get up, shower, brush my teeth and change. I look at the time. Good. I'm not late. I start to head out when I realize. I go back, grab some toast, get his shirt, and drive to the studio.
Takuro's already there when I arrive. He smiles his goofy smile at me when I come in. Yup, I'm not late. I smile back and go about setting up the amps and my bass.
After I'm done, I look around. Takuro's pacing up and down, waiting. Hisashi and Teru aren't here yet. Hisashi and Teru.
Hisashi...
I pick up my bass and start plucking a few random notes. Anything to get my mind off him. After a while, Takuro comes over and starts playing a couple notes with me and soon, we're into a full blown song, humming the words to ourselves.
In the middle, Hisashi and Teru walk in and I stop playing, so does Takuro. We wait for them to set up their instruments all the while I make little stabs at their tardiness. It's just the way I am, if I don't act like this, people are gonna think something's wrong.
I watch them as they set up. Teru's pointedly not looking at Hisashi and Hisashi's got that faint, almost unnoticeable line between his eyebrows that he gets when he's worried or something's bothering him. ...another fight.
Takuro seems to notice this too and ends practice early, before they can start screaming at each other like they did last time.
I pack up and head out the door. Part of me hopes that he isn't there waiting for me, that he's found some other pathetic person to fuck. But the other part... the other part just wants him, any part of him will do, his hate, his lust... anything.
I wonder what they fight about, Teru and Hisashi. They get in fights so often you'd think that they'd run out of things to fight about. Or maybe it's over one thing, over and over again. What would that thing be, then? Something that gets in the way of their relationship, definitely, like a habit, or something one of them said, or maybe...
He's behind me, waiting, I know it. I put my things into the back seat of my car. He's still there, waiting for me to finish, to turn around. A voice screams in my head to keep on going, don't turn around, pretend like I don't notice him, drive off. After all, he's got Teru. But then, another voice whispers that I should turn around, he needs me. And I want to turn around, if only to see him again, but the other voice gets louder, echoing off the walls of my mind.
I turn around.
Because that huge echoing voice, no matter how loud it gets, can never drown out that whisper, that small, irresistible whisper.
And he's there.
He's been watching me, I can tell. I wonder, does he know what I'm thinking? I can never tell what he's thinking. His emotions have always been a mystery to me. He keeps his face to this certain mold, this unemotional, blank mask. I've learned to read some things, like when he's angry, his eyes will flash, when he's upset, there'll be this little line between his eyebrows. And when he dislikes something, he'll frown.
He tends to frown a lot when he's around me.
He's frowning now, at me. And his eyes are flashing cold black. He turns around and walks over to his car. I'm supposed to follow him, I know. So, I shrug, grab his shirt from my car, and, like a good boy, I follow. We wait a little while the car starts up and then we drive away.
I don't think Hisashi knows where we're going, it's like this every time. Usually, we just drive around for a while, but we always end up at some cheap hotel or his house. This time it seems like we're going to his house. The whole time, Hisashi stares straight ahead, focused solely on driving, nothing else. That's how he gets at times like these. I guess he can't think straight, so he has to concentrate on one thing at a time.
We get to his house and Ayu, his cat, comes out to greet us. Hisashi bends down to pet her briefly before he goes inside, as if he's afraid that if he does anymore, he'll hurt her. Knowing him in his current state, that's probably true. Ayu meows a little dejectedly, then she spots me and trots over. She's seen me enough times to know who I am and, if I dare say, she likes me, though she tries not to show it. I pick her up and cuddle her, cooing to her a little bit to make up for the lack of her master's attentions. She's purring like crazy and I pet her a couple more times. I can't help it. She's a damn cute cat.
Suddenly, she jumps out of my arms and runs over to the doorway. I look up. Hisashi's there. How long has he been standing there? Why didn't he tell me? He pets Ayu and then straightens, looks at me and enters the house again. I shrug, Ayu's busying herself with the flower-bed, so I turn and follow. I don't see him when I get inside, but there's only one place he could be. When I get to the bedroom, the door's open. Inside, he's pacing around like a lion in a cage and when he sees me, he attacks.
He slams me back against the door, my head jerks back with the force and hits the door frame. Ow. I'm gonna have a bruise tomorrow. He kisses me, pushing my head back against the door again. All his kisses are hard and quick, it's hard to tell what he tastes like, but sometimes I manage to catch it. At times, he tastes faintly of cigarettes, at other times, he tastes like alcohol. But, over all, he tastes warm. Sweet, deep warmth.
He pins me to the bed, his mouth devouring mine. He flips me over and starts fumbling with my belt. As my pants fall to the floor along with my boxers, I reach for the table beside the bed and open the drawer, searching a little before finding the bottle there. I warm it up, reminding myself to give it to him. The last time I forgot, I had to clean the blood up off the sheets and the floor.
I hear a zipper and rustling of clothing falling. His hands place themselves on my hips and, before he can do anything more, I shove to bottle into his hand. He sighs a little before he enters me briefly with his fingers, spreading the oil around. Then a pause where I hope he's oiling himself. And then... thrust.
I clench my teeth, hands griping the bed covers. No matter how many times I do this, it still huts like hell every time. Oh, I know it doesn't have to be like this, I know, but in his current state of mind, the most he can do is dab a little oil at me entrance and slick himself up before he fucks me. He doesn't have the patience or the will power to be gentle. I wonder how he and Teru fuck. Knowing Teru, he'd probably be the one to fuck Hisashi. But, maybe Hisashi dominates Teru too, like he does me. Are they gentle with each other? Or maybe Hisashi doesn't have the capability of being gentle, Maybe 'gentle' to him is the way he treats me.
But I refuse to believe that. I've seen him with his cat. He treats her like she's the most fragile thing in the universe. It's amazing that the hands that tear into me, that grip me so hard there are bruises that have been there for months, those same hands can be so gentle, so warm that you can barely feel the caress against your skin.
I feel him stiffen and then a groan. He collapses onto me and I climb out from under him, his cock leaving me with a painful pop. I roll over, exhausted. I burrow into the sheets, trying to fall asleep even though it's only four in the afternoon. I hear him get up and walk out. A small meow and the sounds of cabinet doors opening and closing, a can opener, another meow and then I fall asleep.
He wakes me up about an hour later and we do it again, and again until he can't go on and I'm too exhausted both emotionally and physically to do anything but collapse on to the sex-stained sheets and sleep.
I wake up to the sound of a curse and then a yell.
"Wayama!!"
I grumble something and roll over. Damn, it hurts.
"Wayama! Get up! I'm leaving!"
I hear the front door open and slam closed.
Shit.
The car starts up outside and I hear the crunching of the gravel as it backs out.
God damnit.
I get up only to have my legs crumble underneath me.
I can't do this anymore. I can't do it. I'm so tired, so goddamn _weary_. I close my eyes, only for a second, just for a little bit, to get my bearings...
I wake up as Ayu climbs on top of my head, mewling happily and licking my ear. I wave my hand around until it comes in contact with her and I push her gently off. I get up. It's about two in the afternoon. I put on my clothes and leave. I don't want to take a shower, not in that shower where Hisashi and Teru most likely fucked each other. No food either. I don't want to take any part of him with me. But I leave the shirt, it's his anyway.
I take the train back to my house, walking from the train station. It's not too bad, really. It's cool outside, it helps clear my head. I don't want to go to practice, I'm late and I feel like shit. Besides, by the time I get there, practice'll be over anyway.
I'm hurting by the time I get home, but I force myself to take a shower. I don't want anything of last night to get into my bed. Finally, after I've changed, I sleep, regardless of the fact that it's only late afternoon. This time, I don't have any problems getting to sleep, I don't toss and turn like I usually do. I sleep the instant my head hits the pillow. But still, I dream about him...
The next day, I walk into the studio bright and early. Takuro's already there as usual and, seeing me enter, turns to me, opening his mouth. He's had this whole lecture planned, I know, but I see it die in his eyes as he looks at me. It's not like I look horrible or anything. In fact, I probably look better today than I have in a while. But, I think... I think he knows.
He gives me another one of his goofy smiles and tells me not to do it again. Then he turns back to his guitar.
A while after I finish setting up, Hisashi and Teru walk in. There's a tension between them, but they're talking quietly to each other, so they're not in a fight. Not yet, anyway. Practice ends without incident. I pack up and start heading out when I hear them. They're in the back, their voices carrying over in unintelligible murmurs. Suddenly, their voices rise in pitch, Teru's at least. I turn to Takuro and he gives me a knowing look. They scream at each other for some time until I hear a door swinging open and then a loud yell.
"Fuck you!"
Hisashi steps out and calmly calls over his shoulder:
"You already have."
Then he turns around and walks out the door.
I look at Takuro. Good, he's worried too. He nods to me as he heads towards the back, so I go outside to look for Hisashi. That, I think, was their worst fight yet. The fact that Hisashi looked so calm scares me. His eyes weren't even flashing, instead, he just looked, I dunno, kinda sad, I guess. I look around outside.
He's not there. I note Teru's car. They must have come here together, that means he must have taken some sort of public transportation, his house is kinda far, I doubt he would walk. Still, I look around again. Nope, he isn't here. Part of me is jumping for joy. He wasn't going to fuck me over tonight! He left me alone! But that tiny whisper only says one thing. It's so quiet, but it echoes around in my head until it drowns out everything else.
... he didn't wait for me...
The next day, he shows up for practice and leaves immediately after. It's like that for the next couple of days. He doesn't talk to anyone if he doesn't have to. He doesn't look at Teru who becomes suspiciously silent whenever Hisashi comes in to the room. But most of all, Hisashi totally avoids me, he won't even come with in a good five feet of me. And for all that time, he never waited for me, not once.
Every time I leave practice, I expect him to be there, staring at me with those cold, flashing, black eyes of his. And each time, he isn't there. I guess after about three days, I realize that he's not gonna be there. It kinda hurts, I guess, but I'm happy too. The bigger voice seems to be overtaking the whisper these days.
But it doesn't keep the dreams away.
Recently, they've gotten more and more detailed. There's this one reoccurring dream that I keep having and each time, I remember more and more of it after I wake up. See, I'd walk into the studio and it would be totally dark, so dark that it almost looks blue, save for one spotlight in the center of the room. He'd be there, in the middle, the light forming a halo around his hair. And in my dreams, he'd be waiting for me. Suddenly, I'd be in the spotlight with him, his arms holding me close. He'd tilt my head up and kiss me. Not one of those hard, quick kisses he always gave me when we fucked, but a soft, breathtaking one, like you read about in those crappy romance novels. When we part, I try to kiss him again, but he'd pull away and I'd almost cry because I'd think that he was moving away because he hates me. But then he'd cup my face in his hands and I'd see tears in his eyes and I'd read there his feelings for me, his tenderness, his... And I'd kiss him again. When we finish, he'd look at me and smile. Not a grin or a smirk, a smile that I've never seen, a true smile. But, he'd smile that smile just for me.
That's usually where I woke up, my heart aching so hard I'd thing it would burst. I think I'd do anything for that smile, anything. And when I started daydreaming and I'd wake up with tears in my eyes, I decided that it was high time to get utterly, horrendously dunk.
I go to the nearest club, a bar's too small, people would recognize me, besides, I like clubs, the way the energy seems to pour out and dance around the place. It's very crowded, most people on the dance floor moving together until they all seems like one body moving to the same rhythm. For some reason, the energy in the room doesn't seem to reach me, it only seems to drain me. The bright lights flash in my eyes and I can feel the beginnings of a headache forming. I finish my drink and order another one to go. The atmosphere and the noise is getting to me.
I stand outside, breathing in the cool, comforting air, nursing my drink. The sky's dark, a deep midnight blue. Maybe getting drunk wasn't such a good idea... Suddenly, I see a figure come out of the shadows, a familiar, spiky-headed figure. ...or maybe getting drunk is exactly what I need.
I smile at him.
"Yo."
He looks up, disoriented, then, as recognition dawns, his eyes narrow.
"He's _mine_" he whispers vehemently to me.
I smile a little. He's very funny some times.
He looks at me again and glares at me.
"Mine- _mine_, got it?
Yeah, I know. I nod. Why would I care? Teru's his so what? Oh. Yeah. I resist the urge to laugh. Does he still think I'm going after Teru? That rivalry between us, to see who could get Teru first, I guess that's what caused this block between us, this inability to communicate with each other on a regular basis. It's funny, if I had known what this rivalry would do, if I had known that I... that I... If I had known what it would do, I never would have gone after Teru in the first place.
"Say it!" he demands, his hands pulling on my hair, roughly tilting my head back. "Tell me that he's mine!"
I look at him for a moment. He's serious. I shrug.
"He's yours."
It's not difficult today, really. Not difficult at all. He seems to notice that too and hesitates a little as if debating whether or not to let me go. After a moment or two, he lets go. I rub my head, pouting. Damn, that hurt.
He's watching me again.
"He's mine" he says for the third time, staring at me hard. I shrug and nod again. Yeah, whatever, I know.
"Can I go now?"
I'm getting impatient.
"He's mine. He belongs to _me_! And I belong to him!"
I look away. I don't particularly want to agree with that last statement.
He shoves me. "OK?"
I just nod. He's so angry now. I've never seen him so openly emotional before. What's got him so riled up?
"OK?!" He tries shoving me again, but he's shaking so hard he can't and he won't look at me anymore. I don't know what to do. I-I think... I think he's... I think he's crying. But that's not possible! Hisashi doesn't cry... right? Right?! He's right in front of me, doubled over, shaking so hard I'm afraid he's gonna break. So I... I kinda hold him a little. Just my hands on his shoulders, pulling him towards me just a bit.
"Ok" I whisper softly, not wanting to scare him.
And he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me closer, his head on my chest. And for that moment, I'm in sweet bliss. Then he lets go. He tips over a little, stumbling before he regains his balance. Ah, that explains it, he's drunk.
I manage to get him to my car. It's not easy 'cause he's refusing to touch me. I almost laugh. Even in his drunken state, his hate for me remains clear. I finally get him into the front seat and buckle him in. As I drive him over to his house, his head kinda rolls over to rest on my shoulder. He sighs a little and snuggles closer.
I try and slow my rapidly beating heart. He's drunk. He's very, very drunk. But my cheeks are still a little flushed and my heart's not slowing any.
He thinks I'm Teru.
I take sick joy in the way my chest suddenly constricts in pain at the thought. And I drill it over and over into my head. He thinks I'm Teru. He thinks I'm Teru.
It works until I get to his house. He's half asleep now, so I have to carry him in. I finally make it over to the bedroom and I set him on his feet by the foot of his bed. His arms snake around my neck and pulls me down. My hand instinctively go down to his hips to push him away.
His hips are kinda narrow, delicate feeling. Y'know, I've never been in this position with him before, with me on top. He's always the one to fuck me. And suddenly I find myself wondering what it would be like, his body writhing under mine as I moved in him...
I shake the thought out of my head and push him away gently with much effort. He makes a little noise in the back of his throat, disappointed in the sudden lack of warmth. I don't think my heart can take anymore of this, if it squeezes any further, it's gonna burst. To think, he made that noise because of _me_...
Ayu meows, snapping me out from my thoughts. I smile sheepishly at her and I go about tucking her master in. He's asleep now. I've never seen him like this before, he always wakes up before me and goes to sleep after- that is, I'm assuming that he sleeps. He looks so innocent like this, not the manipulative, dangerous Hisashi I know. He mumbles something in his sleep, that tiny line forming between his eyebrows. I push back some hair from his face before I realize what I'm doing. I pull away quickly, and somehow, I make it to the bedroom door before I turn back.
He's lying there, asleep, murmuring something to himself, the line between his eyebrows deepening. I can't help it.
And under the bright, watchful gaze of his cat, I kiss him.
I kiss him on the cheek, my lips barely brushing his skin. But my lips are tingling as I pull back. He mumbles something again and sighs.
But the line, it's gone.
I smile to myself a little, letting myself enjoy the moment. God knows this is never gonna happen again.
And then I force myself to get up and leave, briefly petting Ayu's head as I pass by. I get in to my car and I drive away.
I try and forget it. It's stupid, that whole time he thought I was Teru. It meant nothing. He hates me. And it almost works, I almost make myself forget, disregard the whole incident, except...
Except, my lips, they were still tingling.
That night, I get very, very drunk.
I wake up with a horrible hang-over ringing in my ears. I stumble out of bed and open the cabinet door, blindly reaching in and grabbing random bottles before I get the aspirin. I gulp some down, leaving a bitter after taste in my mouth. I shower, get dressed, and go to practice, still feeling slightly woozy from last night.
Takuro's there. I wonder when he gets to the studio, he's always there before any of us, no matter how early we come. He sighs when he sees me.
"Ohayo."
I nod at him and start setting up. I feel a little jittery remembering last night. Would Hisashi remember? What would he say to me?
Just then, Teru walks in. He hesitates, watching us.
"He's not coming." he suddenly blurts out.
Takuro looks up sharply. "Who?"
"Hisashi. He's not coming."
"Why not?" Takuro asks, concern and annoyance flitting across his face.
Teru looks uncomfortable and then shrugs.
Seeming that we weren't getting any more information out of Teru, we start. We practice without him, but it seems hollow. Yeah, it's good, the song's recognizable, but we need Hisashi to pull it off.
Takuro sighs, annoyed, and finally ends practice. I feel sorry for him, having to put up with the rest of us. He should go get himself somebody. I'm sure thousands would fling themselves at his feet in hopes of a glance. He has a really nice personality, funny, but mature. He's not too bad looking either. If I wasn't so tied up, I'd go after him myself.
The next day, Hisashi doesn't show up again. Takuro's torn between utter annoyance and worry. Teru, on the other hand, looks increasingly uncomfortable and a little guilty. Me? I don't know what to think. What happened? I left him sleeping peacefully at his house! What could have happened to him? Is he hurt? Questions fill my head quicker than I can shake them. I guess I feel kinda numb.
I drive around after practice, to calm my nerves. OK, I admit it, it wasn't only just for that. I was looking for Hisashi too, as stupid as that sounds. When the blue sky rumbles and it starts raining, I head home.
I get home kinda late, so I change into my pajamas and I'm about to go to bed when I hear a knock on my door. I go over and open it. And there he is.
He's soaking wet, his favorite shirt clinging to his body, his blue hair plastered around his face save for a few rebellious spikes, Ayu in one arm, his guitar case in the other. I would have laughed if I wasn't so shocked.
He clears his throat a little and says," Look, can I stay at your place? I can't- I can't go back there, not tonight. Just for one night."
I can only nod a little and move out of the doorway so he can enter. He nods to me gratefully. Ayu jumps down from his arms while he stands there, a little inside my doorway, soaking wet, looking around. It's funny, as many times as I've been to his house, he's never been to mine. As I watch him, I wonder, does he remember? A couple nights ago, does he know what I did? I shake my head. He was dead drunk, of course he wouldn't. But that doesn't keep my heart from pounding a little faster and my body from tingling at the thought.
I notice him shiver and direct him to the shower while I look through some of my clothes to see what will fit. Ayu meows at me and I realize she's hungry. I dredge up whatever I can find that would be suitable for a cat, watered-down milk and some fish. I guess Hisashi would be hungry too which makes me think that I haven't eaten since I got back, so I make a little meal for both of us. It's stupid, really, but here Hisashi is in my home and I don't feel nervous, I don't feel angry, instead, I feel a little happy while I'm rushing around making dinner, kinda like I'm his wife. I smile to myself, shaking the stupid thought out of my head. I look up and he's there, watching me. He's changed into my clothes, they're a little big since I'm a little taller than him, but it's OK. I gesture towards the food, smiling a little foolishly.
"Dinner."
He nods, mumbling his thanks and precedes to wolf down everything on his plate. I watch him, fascinated. How long was it since he ate? I generously give him my share of the food, watching as he devours that as well.
I wait until he's finished before I ask the question that popped into my mind the second I saw him.
"Where were you? Everyone was worried."
He looks up, a little surprised. He hesitates a little, debating, before replying softly.
"Teru and me, we got into a fight. I didn't want to- I couldn't- face him."
I nod. Knowing him, it probably took everything he had to say that. Hisashi's not one to say much about his feelings. Ayu meows, breaking the awkward silence and I laugh. I look at Hisashi and I know I look like a little kid, but there's this idea that just came to me.
"Hey, you haven't been to the studio in a while. You wanna practice?"
He looks at me, raising an eyebrow delicately.
"See, " I continue excitedly, "you can be Takuro too and I'll double as a Teru!"
He looks at me for a moment doubtfully, but nods, responding, "I need the practice."
We start off a little shaky, him getting used to his guitar again and me a little anxious. It's awkward at first, but after I sing a very off-key "Come on, oh yes drive me mad!", Ayu meows wildly and Hisashi snorts, smiling a little. I end up laughing hysterically at myself. We both loosen up and after my voice gets hoarse from doing Teru impressions, it's just the guitar and bass.
The music goes off on a tangent and we're just making up anything, getting lost in the music. And we play.
It's amazing, really. It starts off slow, the notes melting into each other. Then it picks up speed, the sounds tumbling over each other, slipping and sliding, but somehow, they all fit together. We produce a something, a music that can only be described as hauntingly beautiful.
As it fades to a close, I look at him and he looks at me, both exhausted and panting, but I feel... _alive_. I fall to the floor laughing and he joins me. No, he's not laughing, of course, but he's smiling a smile I've never seen before. And suddenly, my heart's gonna burst because he's looking at me like _that_.
"I guess we should go to sleep..." I say a little unsure.
He nods. "Yeah, sorry for disturbing you." When I look at him questioningly, he gestures towards my clothes.
I blush. This whole time I've been prancing around in my pajamas. I look at him again, my face beet-red. He snorts and turns away, but he's trying not to smile, so I feel better.
I smile, get up and make him take the bed while I sleep on the couch. And that night, I don't dream.
I wake up feeling refreshed except for the slight pain whenever I move my head. Damn couch. I shower and change and since I'm pretty early, I make breakfast, for two. I can't keep the smile off my face. Hisashi's here. I make a little something for Ayu who rubs against me thankfully before I go to wake Hisashi up.
He's still sleeping, his face peeking out from the bundle of sheets. ...kawaii...
"Tonomura! Time to get up." I say, poking him a little,
He doesn't move.
"Hisashi! Get up!"
He mumbles something, rolls over and promptly falls back asleep. OK, time to pull out the big guns.
"Oi! Hisa-chan!" I croon to him. "Wakey wakey!"
He rolls over and glares at me.
Yup. that worked. I grin cheekily at him and tell him to get up. I go out the room, pack some stuff for practice, trying to ignore how good it felt to call him that, 'Hisa-chan'. I only call him that from time to time because he hates it. But, I wonder what it would be like if I called him that and I was answered with a sweet smile or a blush. Even Teru can't call him that without getting the glare-of-death ™.
I'm out waiting by the time Hisashi gets out of the house. He's wearing my clothes. That kinda gives me a thrill. And he doesn't have Ayu with him. Maybe... maybe... he wants to- No. I shake my head. He was probably going to come by later and get her, no point in bringing her to the studio.
We get the studio and Teru and Takuro are already there. Takuro looks relieved to see Hisashi while Teru just kinda looks away. Practice goes pretty well, it sounds a lot better now that Hisashi's here to fill in the gaps.
After practice, we're all packing up when Teru stops by Hisashi and whispers something to him softly. Hisashi looks up and nods a little. Teru stares at him for a moment, as if he's verifying the truth of that nod. Then he turns around and walks away. Hisashi moves to follow him, but stops as he passes by me. He hesitates a little before leaning in towards me, so close I can feel his hot breath against my cheek.
"Wayama... Do you think you could bring Ayu over back to my place tonight?... I need to tell you something."
And then he turns around, making his way over to Teru, leaving me suddenly cold where his fingers grazed my shoulder and his breath caressed my cheek.
I refuse to think about it as I leave the studio. I don't want to think about it. I mean, what would he want to tell me? There's nothing! We don't have anything in common, there's nothing to talk about!
But, I can't back out, I do need to bring Ayu over. She runs over to me the second I walk in the door. I laugh and cuddle her. Really, she's such a cute cat. I fix a little something for her and go listen to my now over-played Red Hot Chili Peppers CDs, it's something to keep me from thinking too much. After a while, Ayu joins me, curling up in my lap and she falls asleep, oblivious to the whirlwind of confused emotions that I'm experiencing.
Finally, it seems to be 'night' enough, the sun's just setting, so I pick Ayu up carefully and place her in the front seat as I drive. She, like a good cat, just sits there quietly and watches me drive. It's eerie sometimes how much alike Hisashi and Ayu are. Both are silent, watching, but their every movement demands attention. And they both wear this mask where I can't tell a damn thing they're thinking.
When we get to Hisashi's house, the sun's just setted so everything is bathed in blue. The door's open, so I call out a hello to see if anyone's home. There's a muffled reply and then I see a spiky-headed figure enter the room. Ayu immediately jumps from my arms and trots over to him. He looks at me and grins a little, handing me my clothes. I nod my thanks.
"Yo, Wayama."
"Hey."
"Thanks for bringing her over," he says gesturing towards Ayu. I nod. "Look," he continues, a little hesitantly, "I just wanted to tell you, really, thanks. You know, you've done a lot for me."
I look at him a little surprised, but shrug.
"Hey, no problem."
Just then, Teru enters from where Hisashi had. He smiles seeing Hisashi and wraps his arms around him, his head resting on his shoulder. They just sort-of fit together.
"And you see," Hisashi goes on, "Teru and I are together now. We'll try not to get into so many fights now. I'm sorry for everything. I won't do that to you anymore. Just, really, thank you."
I look at both of them together for a moment and let out an exasperated sigh.
"Finally!" I smile good-naturedly at the couple. "I thought you guys'd never get back together!"
Teru chuckles softly, his arms tugging Hisashi tighter.
"Well then," I say, turning, "Ja! And," I look at Teru with mock firmness, "be gentle!" Teru blushes a little, looking away.
I start to leave when I feel a tug on my arm. I look back. Hisashi's looking at me with an unreadable expression. His dark eyes quiet, watchful, the shadows from the last rays of the set sun making his hair a vivid inky blue.
"Thank you... Jiro." And he smiles at me, that heart-wrenching smile I've only seen once before.
I smirk at him.
"I told you, it was nothing... Hisa-chan!" I call to him sweetly over my shoulder as I leave.
Funny, I don't cry when I get home. I don't even cry as I take a shower or when I brush my teeth. I don't cry as I get changed. Nope, I don't cry at all. Not until I get into bed do I let out the unbearable pain in my heart. Because for a moment, just a second, I thought that he... that he... Sobs rack my body as I stain my pillow with my tears.
I laugh to myself, a bitter, ugly sound. I'm so stupid, so stupid... So goddamn foolish.
I burrow deeper into the blankets, trying to escape from the pain, my stupidity, from everything. I choke on my own tears, berating myself for being so blind, for letting myself feel this way. And little by little, I fall asleep, a deep, black hole of beautiful unconsciousness.
And the sheets, they still smell like him...
end of part 1
| Part 2 |
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